Does it hurt? Accepting the fact that the person who you cherish is now gone. That even if you try reaching them, shouting their name, asking for another chance, another chance to make things right, it won't just happen like you want to. No matter how lonely you feel inside, they won't come to save you from the darkness that is slowly pestering your heart.
'You need to accept the truth. You, being all gloomy and depress like that won't change the fact that they are gone. You need to move forward. You need to step into the light again. They won't come back, and they don't want your life to be ruin just because of them. They want you to be happy.'
I heard a faint voice trying to calm the storm within me, but it won't. It won't come off easily. I don't think a wound this deep will get healed by time. It feels like a big hole has been carved on my heart, it's been hallowed, it's been emptied, ripped open until nothing has been left. A way to stitch it back to its normal state is not possible.
My mind goes blank. It's now traveling along the path where they are still alive, and we were still happy. And I love what I'm seeing. Them, breathing like everything is fine. Them, smiling like always that soothes the pain in me. The unbearable agony I felt earlier is being swept away by the happiness I'm feeling now when I'm with them. In this place, I'm happy. In this space of my mind, I can still feel their existence. They are still alive, they are still with me.
I felt a pain in my cheeks when a hand suddenly hit me. He's crying in front of me, his eyes are swollen as much as mine. He hugs me very tight like I am a very important part of his life.
'Don't leave me alone, please. I need you here. I know that it really hurts, but I'm here. I won't let you down. So please, please stay.'
His voice is begging. His sincere words struck through me. I'm lost for words. I don't know how long it is when I started crying on his shoulder, when we started talking about our lost, when we started laughing at the memories left behind. The pain is still there, the bitter taste it left us won't get washed away by mere talk and reminiscing. But knowing that I am loved, that someone is there to lift me when I am off the road, when I stumble, is all I need.
'Thank you. Thank you for coming back.' He whispered after we had decided to grab a food.
I looked at the frame in my room and have a peeked of them alive. I know that no matter how much I struggle, they won't open their eyes anymore. But the space I've left of my sanity will always be there to keep them alive.
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