Staring at the ceiling of this four sided white room, I remember the one and only person who can ride on whatever I've done in the past. The one who always understand how crazy I can be, how annoying I am when I'm pissed, how difficult it is when he gets me angered. It feels like it only happened yesterday. It feels like he is still here, we are still making fun of each other, ranting about each others annoying experience and comforting one another's failure.
I miss him. I miss my bestfriend. I miss being at ease with no care in the world. But instead of a warm skinned man who always smiles at me, the one I'm holding now is someone cold enough to also let the coldness of his pass through the insides of me. His coldness makes me shiver in pain, run my tears wild, slowly killing my heart. How does it turn out like this? Why did I run away from his feelings and let him go of my hand? If only I did not pretend to not know. If only I did not neglect all of his efforts, maybe he will still be breathing beside me, acting like crazy as always. I grabbed my mobile phone and stare at its current wallpaper. It is us, when we both graduated from college. It's one of the best days of my life. That day is full of promises, full of smiles and giggles, full of uplifting remarks and stupid jokes from him that I don't even know what is real anymore.
I heaved a deep sigh. He really likes to surprise me. How come even as the day you leave everyone behind, you still shocked us? Earlier this morning, someone called me using your number, told me that you gave out your last breath. I still can't face you, but I need to. That is why I'm here, that is why I'm grieving now. Even if I don't want to, the tears from my eyes won't stop flowing down on my face. It really hurts, it fucking hurts. A second, a minute has passed, and I'm still standing here alone with him. I'm crying myself to death when I felt a cold thing on my cheeks. Upon opening my eyes, I saw his pale face grinning right at me. He started laughing, and I can't seem to register what is happening. Wait, did he just make fun of me?
An infinite rage runs through me and grab anything that's closer to me. I've caught an IV Stand and start hitting him with it. He continuously says sorry while I also beat him non-stop.
'You make me worry; you piece of shit.' I shouted at him with a cracked voice. I'm angry at him. I'm super angry at him, the weigh on my heart became light. I'm happy, I'm happy that he is still with me. I've burst out crying again, not because of sadness, but this time is because of relief. He smiled at me, grabs my arms and put his nose closer to mine.
'Can we upgrade our status? I just don't want to be your bestfriend. I want to be your one and only.' He says seriously while holding my gaze.
I nod with acceptance and chuckle when I realize how dumb he looks right now. It's idiotic, but his expression will last on my mind for a lifetime.
Comments
Post a Comment