"Do you think I'll be happy with that?" Her face full of annoyance pops up on my mind.
I am on the middle of picking what flower she would like best but now, I'm doubting if I'll do the right thing. She isn't the type who likes things like this. She's not someone who can be bribe by flowers, chocolates and such. To put it simply, she is not the typical girl who can be bought by something absurd like this one.
Beautiful, yes, but it won't stay the same. It wilts whether you want it or not. No matter how much you take care of it, the death will soon be displayed on its appearance. That's why she hates it. She hates the fact that she can relate to its curse. She can feel the time ticking like a madman and making her remember that soon, it is also her time. Like the flower she always sees in the table beside her bed, her life is also wilting. Soon, it will fade, and there's nothing that can save her. No matter how much she struggles to live, her death is within reach. And you know what hurts the most? It is that I can't help her. I'm not some kind of hero who can take her hand away from the illness she have. No matter how much I'm willing to give my all, her last days was already decided. She already accepted it. She knows that it is coming even if she wanted to fight for it.
"I suggest you buy Pink Carnation flowers." Someone behind me said while I am still picking what flower to buy her. The face of her bestfriend standing now beside me looks so much in pain.
"You know, that means you'll never forget her. You won't, right?" She added.
I nod to answer her question. That's not a question at all. That's a fact. And it won't change, that I know.
"I still can't find the courage to visit her, to see her lying in hospital bed while her illness is slowly taking her away from us." Her tears are slowly making its way from her eyes to her cheeks.
"It's hard. But if not now, when? You know she's barely living her life. Do you want to regret not seeing her, not talking to her, till the day she-. Till that day." Thinking of what will happen to her and saying it is fucking hard.
"I bet you're also barely living." She said after giving me a fake laugh.
"Right? Excuse me, I'll pick this one." As she suggested, I bought a dozen of Pink Carnation flowers and started walking to the hospital. Her bestfriend stay at the flower shop, still not willing to go even if I asked her.
I won't blame her. They are very close, and I know how painful it will be for her. They're the best of friends, that it feels like the same blood is running on both of them. If she were to pick one from the two of us, I know that it will be her bestfriend. That's how precious she is to her. But I also know and accepted it. That's how precious she is to me. More precious than whatever this world can give. More valuable than whatever treasure I can have. She will always be my only one.
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