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Day 12 - Having a Lazy Day

Staring at the ceiling, I wonder how many hours I've already wasted lying in my bed. My body is starting to get numb from the lack of motions, my eyes are getting blurry because of watching an anime for a long time, and my stomach growls like it has been punished. I grab the chocolate chips on my bedside table and eat. It is delicious. I think, it will really make me fat, but, oh well, not that it matter. 

I sighed heavily at the thought that came through my mind. It is my rest day, and I'm trying to have fun, alone. I'm wasting my life getting lazy, alone. Whence did I say that it's okay for me that he isn't here? I never did. Maybe I said it, but it is not intended. I just! I'm just angry, that is all. And my dumb mouth started throwing words that can never get back, it started piercing your heart without my permission. Why can I not control my stupid thoughts? It is all over. It is already out of my capability to fix. When he said he is done, he is. There's no reason he will come back. He hates me. 

I reached for my phone again, with a battery enough to play a whole season of the anime I am waiting for. Letting my mind drift to a place where no one can disturb me, I clicked the button and refocus. But instead of getting attached to the story, my heart can't stop myself from crying. It is not the anime I've waited to be completed, it is his. He's the one who adds this series on my download queue, bragging that it is a great one. Wiping the tears from my eyes with the comforter lying next beside me, I give up struggling on how messy my mind is. I cried to my heart's content; the video is still playing, but I don't care. 

'Is that anime tragedy? I thought it was comedy.' 

A voice spoke from behind; it is his voice. Am I hallucinating? I think I'm losing my mind from all this shit, and it is making me crazy. 

'Hey. I'm sorry, okay? I won't leave you.'

He said after hugging me from behind. His breath is a beautiful tone in my ears, his hands squeezing me tightly, and his heart beating furiously while leaning on my back. I'm not dreaming, he is here. He is here beside me. I moved my body to see him, and he looks intently at my eyes while apologizing for the things he shouldn't. 

'It is my fault. I am sorry. I know that I don't think things through before reacting. I'm an immature bitch who is always saying what I want to say expecting that it is okay. I'm hurting you, and I just realize it now. I'm sorry.'  

The words keep flowing on my lips and I'm thankful it did. He touches my cheeks and gave a very peaceful smile. His nose play with my nose, his lips touch mine. It was only for a second. It was sweet, it felt like I am only his. 

'I understand. I still love you. I love you. And I promise that I won't leave you.'

He said the words that I needed the most. Not in front of many people, but only us two, not in the church where we should pledge our promises, not in a way most of the guys does, but in the bed while we are both lying face to face with each other. Beneath our breath that was the sign of our hearts beating. 

'I bought a calamari. I thought you would love it. You want to eat?' 

He offered while holding my hand and help me stand. I smiled and followed him to the dining table where both of us laugh at our own childish play. The rest of the day felt so short as we finished the series he so loved to watch. 

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