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Day 10 - Watching the Other Sleep

My mind is blurry, my eyes are swollen, my hands keep on trembling. I'm not sure of the time anymore. If only I can make it stop, turn the hours into nothingness, I will. But the fact that is lying now in front of me is brutal. Things happen too fast and regrets keep flowing in my head, like a pit of darkness, ready to take my sanity away at any minute. 

Watching him while his eyes are close is something natural to me. I love the calmness on his face whenever he leaves the reality and enjoys the fantasy. I like touching his face, memorizing every bit of it, tracing his noseline with the tip of my fingers. It is satisfying. An admiration I only felt on him. But now, it was shattered. The thing I cherish the most went on his own way without even giving a sign or saying goodbye. He should have asked for permission, a valid reason why it comes to an end, an explanation I can accept. Instead of instantly leaving me behind, alone and in question whether I can move forward after all these things. 

His body is resting on the floor while his head is on my lap. The blood on his left forehead is starting to dry off and the coldness of his body is rising, along with the stiffening of it. His once red lips are now pale, like a person who drank a lot of vinegar. How? How did it happen? Earlier, we just make fun of one another. We exchanged jokes and corny lines, like there is no room for any unwanted feelings to come along. But now? Someone took you away from me. Someone took your soul and has no intention to give it back. It is devastating, a fact that I can't seem to accept. 

'Hey.' I called to him. Hoping that what I've been seeing all this time is just a prank. I don't care if it is a joke just to want me look like an idiot crying in front of him. I want him alive. I want to watch him do what he is always doing. Staring at him is what I only want. I thought it was enough, but the coldness in my heart feels like a thousand burdens of pain which is slowly ripping my heart until it is already too messy to get fix. 

I called to him again, but still no response. No matter what I do, his eyes remain close. He can't seem to hear me no matter how loud I cry, how bad I look like without him. Unaware of what happened after, I woke up on my own bed. I looked for him, but he is not there anymore. He does not respond to my screams, he does not answer my calls. His existence is only alive in my memories. He's gone, and he will never come back. I am all alone. 

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