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Day 1 - Getting Lost Somewhere

A pang on my feet hit me hard when I tried to stand. Each steps I take make every inch of my body feel the pain. The overwhelming feeling of fear and loneliness are slowly piercing my sanity. Leaves are falling from the trees that I'm leaning on, like what my life is right now. It is crumbled, it does not need saving, it just needs a place to rest forever. The third tree which I've got a hold on to is broad, its smell soothe my heart, it calms my body and mind. I feel protected and safe. I sit on its trunk and close my eyes, wondering, thinking how I'm on this terrible situation. In this dark place where only regrets can be felt, I'm lying alone. I'm tired. I just want to lie down, close my eyes and let this solitude eat me. Should I end it here? Is it okay for me to give up struggling from this hardship? 

But...I wanted to be saved. I wanted to feel that I'm needed, that I'm precious, that I'm missed. Most of all, I wanted to be real with myself, to be what I really am.

I smiled to myself, and I know what I need to do. I need to find a way out of this place and live a new life. Even though every time I move a bit is an unbearable pain, getting it through me is a mistake I don't want to make. My instinct is telling me that at the end of this trouble, I will be smiling and feeling the worth of the pain on me now. Thorns might cut every part of me and wild animals might devour me, the coldness of this place might freeze my body, but the burning sensation within me won't waiver. My desire, my focus, my goal are something nothing can break. I will fall, yes. I will feel pain, and I will feel numb from my feet, but I won't stop moving. I won't stop taking a step forward until I see a path. Until my breath is coming out of my lips, a chance to break free from this maze I created myself is possible. 

Exhausted as I am, I feel alive. An empty stomach, a rushing heartbeat that feels like it is going to explode in any minute, a heavy exchange of inhale and exhale, it's all making me feel satisfied. I'm at my limit and have no intention to move back. A voice within me is shouting that I can do it, that I have to do it, that I must do it. Looking back from where I was, there's nothing but a grim, pitch black place without a shade of light. Looking in front of me, I can see a more clearer view. A light is not possible, I'm not in a drama where in the end, the protagonist find its way back, am I? But even if it's not, I know that I'm on the right track. There's no need to rush. I can find my way back. Too slow as it may take, I will definitely get out of this place. Because despite being lost, I found myself.

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